Chapter 1

Two things are bothering me today.

One, Kaelyn, my bestest friend since we were 10 years old, has been flooding my Inbox as well as my hand phone with horoscope predictions. Yes! The crazy woman has finally ditched her Tarots obsession, only to pick up Astrology!

Here’s what the psychics are saying about me today:

(My email prediction)
Aquarius (January 21 ~ February 19)
April 2, 2006
This is the start of something very important for you, Tutu.
You’re in the thick of it as the Sun and Mercury join Neptune in your sign, making with Mars in Taurus, Jupiter in Scorpio and Saturn in Leo, a cross in the fixed signs. You will be challenged on all fronts — at home, at work and in your relationships — and you’re probably more determined than ever to win through, so this is a time when you can actually make considerable headway in your life, despite the obstacles.
Tutu, you’ll be the stronger for it!

(And, from my sms prediction)
Aquarius (21/01 ~ 19/02)
April 2, 2006
With so much favorable celestial energy right now, you are able to see something you couldn't see before. You have the power of insight and this is especially true in relationships with friends. In some ways, you may be greatly disappointed, but not to worry, for it is in fact for the better. In time, you will see.

The way I see it, though there was no obvious contradiction between the two predictions, they do not relate or coincide, or have much in common either. And further more, as I have explained to Kaelyn many many times in the past week, I am not interested in horoscopes! Having said that, I will, however, support her enthusiastic interest in it – seeing that she is my bestest friend since when we were 10 and all – but I do not need to know what the Sun and Mercury, Mars, Saturn and all the other stars in the solar system are up to, really. But does the woman listens? Of course not! So I’ll have to endure the emails and sms for a while more, until when she decides to move on to something else. I hope it’s not Voodoo – oh please, no.

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The second thing, or person, that is bothering me, is my roommie, Bambi. Actually, I should call her my room mate, not roommie, as roommie refers to someone whom I am close and friendly with. Unfortunately, Bambi and I are not very close, and only marginally friendly.

But hey, before you start having thoughts about me being the hostile and bossy room mate, let me tell you that I did attempt to be friendly, but she wasn’t interested. So don’t say I didn’t try, ok!? ‘Cos I did, and I tried pretty hard too! Most people who know me will tell you that I’m a very warm and friendly person; unless when there’s a cat within 10 meters of my radius, then that’s a different story – but we’ll talk about that later.

Back to Bambi. We became room mates about three months ago. Actually, I do not have the habit of sharing rooms with people, especially people whom I don’t know very well. But she was desperate, and like I said, I’m a nice person. Bambi is the cousin of a friend of the wife of my colleague – I know, it’s complicated! Anyway, like I said, she was desperate, and since my landlady, Elsa, was agreeable as long as there was a contract as per standard, plus I get to save on rent, so Bambi moved in.

Till today, I have no idea why Bambi was desperate, nor do I know anything really significant about her, like where she was from originally, where she works, or what she works as (though there are speculations). I’m beginning to question my own sanity and judgment. She could be a drug smuggler, or a terrorist, or a serial killer.

But then again, I don’t think a terrorist or a serial killer would be stupid enough to borrow my lip gloss and hair brush, wear my clothes, and steal from my coin jar. Her DNAs are everywhere! Ok, you can probably tell I’ve been watching too much CSI.

Anyway, it’s bad enough that my favorite MNG dress has stains down the front and a broken zipper, my Stila lip gloss is permanently MIA, and my coin jar is half empty. At least they are material goods and are replaceable.

Yesterday, I took half a day off work due to a monster headache, and was really looking forward to a quiet afternoon in bed with two aspirins and a nice hot cup of lavender tea. But when I got home, I heard noises coming from the kitchen. Elsa was at work, and I recalled Bambi mentioning something about a full day appointment and will be back late.

Could someone have broken in? I didn’t have any weapon on hand, and even if I did, I wasn’t sure I knew what to do with it. What if he had a gun? What if there was a group of them? I was about to turn around and walk back out, go somewhere safe where I could call the police, when I spotted a red bra lying in the hallway next to a pair of hastily kicked-off Vinccis.

Then someone giggled.

Giggles!? Had the thieves found something hilarious in the kitchen?

And then came a rather loud groan, “Oh Bambi, yes baby... oh yessss!”

I know what you’re thinking at this point, and you will be absolutely right!

As soon as I realized what was going on, I headed for the front door. I have no intention of hearing what comes after “oh yessss”. But just as I reached it, the door was flung open with such force that I lost my balance and fell backwards onto the floor. Needless to say, there was quite a bit of noise. I yelped when my butt hit the ground, and my bag went flying across the hall, missing an Egyptian vase by millimeters. My landlady, Elsa, stood at the entrance and stared down at me in shock.

“Tutu, what –“

“Shhh!” I told her, but it was too late.

There was a moment of silence, followed by the sounds of scrambling, and more giggling, from the kitchen.

“Who’s in there? “

I guess Elsa didn’t feel the need to be quiet in her own house. Without waiting for my reply, she headed for the kitchen. I didn’t know how to warn her, so I just kept quiet and remained on the floor, looking down at my NineWest pumps.

“What – you again?” I heard Elsa saying, and she sounded quite pissed. “I think I made it quite clear the last time, if I catch you bringing men back to the house again, I will call the police and have you both arrested!”

Men? Again? The police?

My curiosity got the better of me. Praying that Bambi and her partner in crime (or lust) were decently dressed, I finally got up and made my way towards the scene of the crime.

They were both sitting on the dining table. Bambi had on a short skirt – my skirt! And I had only worn it twice! And her top was front to back and inside out. The man, looking to be in his early thirties, was zipping up his pants. Other items of clothing were strewn around the kitchen. There was a wad of something on the stove, and it did not look like a dishtowel.

But neither Bambi nor the man appeared to be embarrassed at being caught. They also did not apologize nor pleaded to Elsa about reporting them to the police. Instead, after calmly collecting the remaining clothing, Bambi led the man out of the kitchen, and headed not for the front door, but into the room – my room!

Elsa and I were dumbfounded for an entire minute. I’m sure my mouth was hanging to my knees. And during the silence, I swear I heard more giggling, more fumbling, and, oh help me, more lustful moaning!

“You’ve, erm, caught her doing – this - before?” I asked Elsa haltingly.

She was silent for a long moment. I thought maybe she was still trying to collect herself, the poor lady. But then, her answer left me speechless. “I trusted your judgment about that girl, Tutu, but I’m really disappointed.”

“I’m – I never knew – I’m sorry –“

“I’m sorry too, but I think its better if both of you moved out.”

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I think the horoscope prediction about me facing challenges at home was an understatement – not that I believe in that nonsense.

By the way, did I say there were two things bothering me? Actually, there are three, and the third being: I’m homeless!